Still, a life in turmoil, with God getting the brunt of my bitterness and rage.  I curse Him, I blaspheme Him and in the dark I ask forgiveness.  No matter how much I do wrong, I am drawn back.  I hope it's God's doing.  I'm also seeing the importance of propitiation, and the penal view of atonement.  The only way to assurance is to be sure that all my sin is atoned for, paid for.  I need that penal view, to assure my heart that God is still righteous, that He has kept His righteousness intact, forever.  My sin is paid for righteously.  God is eternally and infinitely propitiated.  As deep as sin goes, grace goes deeper, because Christ was infinite, and our sin is finite.  All our sin is like a tiny spark hitting the ocean. 

The value of Christ's death is infinite, it goes in all directions and it goes forever.  Sin can stretch out far, but grace is infinite, it goes infinitely farther.  Righteousness is upheld and grace is infinite and forever.

Trusting Christ

My heart has softened from what it used to be.  I'm convinced that the hard-heartedness I often struggle with is due to some kind of lie about God, that He's not kindly disposed towards me, that His offer of grace has some hidden obligation.  The Bible says in Psalm 34:8 "Taste and see that the Lord is good..."  Well I have and I have seen that the Lord is good.  I want that back, that trust I had in God and His character.  I want to know that once again.

Still Alive

It's been a while since I've posted.  My life is still on its downward spiral; I'm still out of work, still wrestling with depression due to fatigue from sleep apnea.  I let my troubles clobber me, and thereby make my reality even worse.  It's occurred to me though that maybe my depression is spawned of excessive worry.  And maybe what I need for that is trust in God's forgiveness and providence.  I need the peace that passes all understanding, that comes from knowing I have real peace with God; His forgiveness, His love and His acceptance.

I missed church last Sunday because of some car trouble (all I need).  I wish I would have taken the Sacrament; Christ promised that in it we are eating and drinking His flesh and His blood.  It's an absolute promise of forgiveness and salvation, and I have not appreciated it as I should.  The sacraments are gifts, God's overflowing forgiveness and grace.  I hope I can make it next Sunday.   Christ promised that "whosoever's sins you forgive, they are forgiven."   Of all people I need forgiveness and the assurance of forgiveness.

Atonement: Penal vs Incarnational?

Today I'm wrestling with the Atonement.  On the one hand there is the theory of atonement that I'm most familiar with, that is the Penal Substitution Model.  On the other hand there is what I guess could be called the Incarnational Model.  Of course there are other models, but today it's between these I'm wrestling with.

As I said, the Penal Substitution Model is the one I'm most familiar with, likely because it's the dominant theory in the West among Protestants and Catholics.  Basically it posits that man because of his sin owes a debt to God, and Christ's death on the cross is the payment of that debt.  This theory has problems and advantages (for me anyway).  The problem for me is that it paints a picture of God as angry and wrapped up in concern over His honor.  While one may approach this God, his heart in reality may be far from Him.  This was certainly my experience for many, many years.  The advantage of this model is (again, for me) that it says the debt is paid.  It is finished (John 19:30), over, and done!  I can approach God with the relief of knowing that my debt is paid.  Especially this view is helpful when one is filled with guilt and self-loathing over one's sins.  In that case the Penal Model is like a cleansing acid, harsh, but effective.  It's like having a legal document that says you are acquitted, and now one can claim otherwise.  So, advantages and disadvantages with this model.

The Incarnational Model is one I only came across in the last few years, after reading The Fingerprints of God by Anglican Robert F. Capon, a really good writer.  In this book he claims that the Incarnation of Christ has been in effect marginalized by medieval theories of atonement, such as Anselm's Satisfaction Theory, which posits that Christ's death was a satisfaction made to God's offended honor and dignity.  (It is from this theory that came the Penal Model I wrote of above).  In the Incarnation Model, just Christ's becoming Man is atoning.  He organically unites Himself with humanity as one of us, so whatever is true of Him is true of us, and vice versa.  The advantage of this model is that it really inspires trust, being that Christ is fam.  He is not some alien being paying a debt, he's part (head actually) of the human race.  He's one of us.  I really don't have much of a problem at all with this view.  However the New Testament speaks often of the work Christ did on the cross; it speaks of atonement, propitiation, "hanging on a tree," blood, the cross.....  Paul and Peter obviously thought Jesus's death on the cross itself was of great importance.

Now in all of this I'm not saying I'm having to choose between the Penal Model and the Incarnational Model.  I'm just thinking of how each model effects my trust in God, how much either gives me peace and assurance.  One way to tie the two together (in my mind) is to remind myself of the biblical idea of the Kinsman Redeemer.  This is from the Old Testament, where its said that a male relative could help a relative who was in need, such as a financial need.  This is a picture of Jesus, the Infinite God of existence who incarnates in the man Jesus, joining with humanity, the one who goes on to pay a debt we could not pay.  Our Kinsman-Redeemer who rescues us from our dire predicament.

How does this tie into Lutheranism?  That's what I'm working out right now.  How do the Sacraments deliver the benefits of the Incarnation and the Propitiation (satisfaction)?

Trying This Again.

I deleted my previous blog; not sure why.  So I'm starting over.

My blog is called Seeking Grace, because I am, well, seeking grace.  All my life I have been searching for God; even those periods where I was off into religions other than Christianity, or even my atheist period, I was still seeking God.  I find myself drawn towards the Lutheran faith, mainly because of its teaching on grace, and finding assurance via the Sacraments.  It's been months since I have attended any kind of church, but there is a great Anglican church not far, and I can attend it with a Lutheran heart.

Why Lutheran?  As I said above, it's the Sacraments.  Evangelical theology teaches that one is saved by faith alone.  Fair enough.  However the problem arises when a person wonders whether or not he or she truly believes, whether one's faith is real.  The Lutheran faith teaches that God really does transmit His grace through Baptism and Communion.  He promises forgiveness of sins in the waters of Baptism, and continual forgiveness and cleansing via Communion.  By simply believing God's promise of forgiveness in Baptism, one has assurance, and that assurance is found outside of one's self.  Forgiveness is eternal life.