Still, a life in turmoil, with God getting the brunt of my bitterness and rage.  I curse Him, I blaspheme Him and in the dark I ask forgiveness.  No matter how much I do wrong, I am drawn back.  I hope it's God's doing.  I'm also seeing the importance of propitiation, and the penal view of atonement.  The only way to assurance is to be sure that all my sin is atoned for, paid for.  I need that penal view, to assure my heart that God is still righteous, that He has kept His righteousness intact, forever.  My sin is paid for righteously.  God is eternally and infinitely propitiated.  As deep as sin goes, grace goes deeper, because Christ was infinite, and our sin is finite.  All our sin is like a tiny spark hitting the ocean. 

The value of Christ's death is infinite, it goes in all directions and it goes forever.  Sin can stretch out far, but grace is infinite, it goes infinitely farther.  Righteousness is upheld and grace is infinite and forever.